The Bawdy Bard
A Raunchy Fantasy Picaresque
Who’s got two thumbs, a lute, and magical powers?
This guy. The decidedly anonymous bawdy bard is a man who seems to have it all: more ale and wenches than a hedonistic degenerate knows what to do with. All is well in his world – at least when he rolls into Io’s Breath, a frozen city on the edge of the kingdom of his birth.
When a commission for a fancy new lute leads the bawdy bard into a meeting with the Duke of Io’s Breath, the bard’s silver tongue and carefree attitude gets him selected for the job of a lifetime. In the shadow of an impending war, the foul-mouthed musician must decide whether the lure of position and riches is worth dredging up his past.
As the memories – and identity – of a life he left behind come rushing back, the bard treks across the land to meet his destiny. Is his musical magic strong enough to put diplomatic end to a war before it’s even begun? And what of the battle that rages within? Can our man in fancy tights deal with demons of days gone by with a song and a dance?
Hold on to your floppy feathered hats.
The Bawdy Bard: A Gutter Sonata is the first in the Bawdy Bard comedic fantasy series. If you like dirty humour, potent magic, and strong flatulence, you'll love Andrew Marc Rowe's obscenely fascinating adventure.
Get your copy of The Bawdy Bard to break into the bardic scene today!
The Man, The Myth, The Legend
John Delphi, the Bawdy Bard, famed saviour of Hummelfort, has found his girl, got his Estate in Io’s Breath, hung up his lute… and put on about 30 pounds of aimlessness. His wife, Deidre, long-lost lover and woman of his dreams, cannot stand to be married to the bloated husk he has become. So, before the bard knows it, he is back on the road, divorce papers in hand, in search of adventure.
A chance meeting at a gingerbread bordello gives the bard a new destination: the Duchy of Cockinghamshire. Far to the east, near the border with the Kingdom of Deferensia, unrest builds. A false Duke sits in the palace as his brother languishes in a foreign prison, a rebellious noble leads an uprising against him, a shoemaker dreams of breaking free of his own life of comfort, a battle nun hunts a forest witch. The bard himself has a date with destiny, a conjured spirit from time long past, a spectre with a story about a magical artifact of untold power:
The Silver Codpiece.
As the ranks of the bard’s troupe of misfits swell, so too do their problems (and the bard’s tumescence). But Delphi’s magic will only go so far. Will the new band come together in time to seize both fate and the high-quality male fashion accessory?
This one’s in the key of D Major.
Legend Of The Silver Codpiece: The Cockatrice Enigma is the second book in the Bawdy Bard comedic fantasy series. If you like dirty humour, potent magic, and strong flatulence, you'll love Andrew Marc Rowe's obscenely fascinating adventure.
Pick up your copy of Legend Of The Silver Codpiece to grab your silvern jock today!
I Want To Break Free
El Barderino and the gang are in deep. Strangers in a strange land, nothing is as it seems. On its surface, the fairy Queendom of Vagalon looks like just the place to bring your family, if your family consists of a gaggle of sex-crazed perverts with plain vanilla tastes. But as Delphi and his compatriots get their bearings, the cracks start to appear.
Back home in Cockinghamshire, things have gotten better than they were under the deposed Smegbert. Returned from his horrific imprisonment in Frumaria, Glansbury seizes power again, yet his newest exploit pushes the envelope of what is socially acceptable with his subjects. What’s more, his decisions are inviting the ire of a neighbouring kingdom. War begins to loom on the Kingdom of Spanklia once more.
Between the bard’s meeting with a bewitching fairy woman who claims to know him, political upheaval among the wizards of the Schlongomance, and a villain on the loose in the heart of the Queendom, the world is in flux. The bard will have to make new friends, take roads less traveled, and get his head screwed on straight before he is swept out with the tide into a roiling sea of chaos.
Put your tongue to that victory sign: Vagalon is waiting.
Quest For Vagalon: Penetrating The Schlongomance is the third book in the Bawdy Bard comedic fantasy series. If you like dirty humour, potent magic, and strong flatulence, you'll love Andrew Marc Rowe's obscenely fascinating adventure.
Pick up your copy of Quest For Vagalon to slide into Vagalon today!
It’s on like Dong-key Kong
Meet Voyzeck von Cunth, a tiny titan from a society obsessed with oral adoration of the goddess Vulvaille. Finding himself a misfit, the pixie turns over a new leaf at Sudsy Joe's laundromat in the heart of the pixie capital, Cervica. But, when the humdrum gets too monotonous, he finds a peculiar escape - the realm of Gonads & Goblins.
In a reality where World of Warcraft meets Wall Street, Voyzeck takes on the persona of a werewolf banker, teaming up with Bogan, the gnome poison tester, and Clarice, the brownie blacksmith beauty. Their objective? Pull off a daring heist for the notorious Executive Package, the game's equivalent of a high-risk, high-reward investment.
Or, maybe, just a regular part of the starter quest line.
As they navigate the virtual world's booby traps, Voyzeck's heart starts a journey of its own, falling for the exotic Clarice. But in a love story more twisted than a goblin's grin, their size difference presents a mighty challenge. Can Voyzeck and Clarice find a way to beat the odds, or will their love story end in magical heartbreak? Hang onto your bean counting apparatus, because in the world of Gonads & Goblins, size isn't everything...
It's the only thing.